Feeling Burnt Out? Activate Your Bucket List!
By: Christine DePalo
Stressed. Exhausted. Frustrated. Confused. Overwhelmed. Indeed, I was experiencing the effects of burnout. Whether it be the pandemic, work, or just life in general, I’m sure you can relate.
In 2022, I felt very stuck. Nothing seemed to be going right, my teaching job was getting more stressful, and my health was in peril. I felt like a zombie, just lumbering through life with no voice. At that point, I knew I had to do something to make a change because I felt like I was going in circles. I tried everything to recover, but nothing helped me feel like myself. I needed to get away. I had always enjoyed traveling and exploring new places and decided that a trip was in order! So, I dusted off my bucket list and the wheels began to turn.
My bucket list was a living document where I added and removed locations. Over time, I realized that the trend of my preferred sites were places that presented challenges- physically, emotionally and spiritually. Africa was at the top of my list. Since I was ready to change things up, I put in all my effort to figure out how to make this dream a reality. I needed to shake off this burnout. I had a gut feeling that a trip to Africa would be a good start. Naturally, my intrinsic motivation to plan this trip kicked in hard. Reaching this goal was a great reason to get the research going! “Hey, Alexa! Where are the best places to go in Africa”.
I researched different ideas daily, and the itinerary was completed in just over two weeks. Burnout can make you feel incompetent and practically fraudulent. I was feeling inadequate. However, as I navigated this experience, I noticed that I DID have skills- they just had been unapparent to me for some time. Anyone who sees my travel notes notices the intense organization of color-coded notes, hyperlinks, pro tips, and notes from other travelers. By building this itinerary, I took notice of my ability to communicate, make decisions, problem-solve, and manage fiscal responsibility. My confidence was building!
Journaling is a strategy that many people use to combat burnout. Initially, it was not very appealing to me, so I resisted. Begrudging, I started writing easy entries that included ideas, places to go, and what I still needed to do. As my entries progressed, topics became less of a “to-do” list and more about what I was feeling, seeing, and what was changing. It became easier to write about things I could not make sense of. I was starting to put things into perspective. I also had a record of all the problems I was solving and the decisions I was making. It was great to see that I genuinely possessed skills and abilities.
Terrified yet excited. Anxious yet confident. Scared yet happy. The day was finally here! Little did I know I was embarking on a trip that would change my life. Of course, that was the goal, but I didn’t know to what extent my renaissance would be. I boarded the flight to Johannesburg. Settling in my seat, I closed my eyes and was ready to open them to a new world.
Arriving in Johannesburg, I felt refreshed and excited. I had planned to take the train from the airport to the hotel. I would then walk a short distance to the hotel in the dark. Earlier, as I sat in the airport awaiting my flight to Johannesburg, I realized this was making me nervous. I called the hotel from the airport and arranged for a transfer. It sounds like no big deal, but just identifying that I had a level of discomfort in a situation and taking action to deal with it was something I didn’t do regularly. It was a small act, but the impact was huge. I felt empowered. It also made it so much easier to get to the hotel.
The next day, I booked a guided tour around South Africa. Standing in the hotel lobby, some of the travelers began to chat. I found myself feeling at ease. I was free to be myself, something I hadn’t experienced for a long time. I enjoyed listening to their stories and gaining new perspectives.
The tour guide arrived, pointing out different neighborhoods and landmarks. He shared historical information and facts that I had never learned. Learning about other people, their cultures, challenges, and successes helped me change my mindset. The burnout felt more distant.
Africa, as a whole, was on my bucket list, but more specifically, I wanted to see Victoria Falls. I nearly missed my flight from Johannesburg to Livingstone, Zambia. I read the time on the ticket wrong and got to the airport late. Somehow I floated from check-in to passport control and got to the gate in under 35 minutes. Noticing my stress, the airport workers repeated, "No worries, you will make it!" I greatly appreciated their optimism. In fact, it’s become my personal mantra when stressed.
Upon landing, the driver for the hotel transfer greeted me with a sign and a smile. Knowing I was a tourist, he felt compelled to share a fascinating history lesson about the city of Livingstone. I found him laughing at me because I was in awe of everything, my mouth agape- this place was so different from anything I had ever seen. I could not believe I was here!
As I was traveling alone, I could not book any of the tours online before I left, so I knew I had to get to it and do that first. I walked down the waterfront on the Zambezi River, just taking it all in. It was amazing! I booked most of the tours, but hesitated about the last one- white water rafting. I had done this before, but it had been like rafting in the lazy river of a hotel. The Zambezi River was much rougher. The irrational fear of flipping over held me back. I also wanted to take advantage of everything available while I was here. I told myself, “You’ve made it this far. Just book the trip!” It turns out I faced my fears once again and won. It was getting easier each time.
I spent the first night watching the sky turn unique colors. Never in my life had I seen a sunset like this. I returned to my room and looked up at the stars as I listened to the hippos in the river—a true feeling of zen. My zen was soon interrupted by the sight of an enormous spider. On the top of the bed! My confidence was slowly climbing, but I was mentally unprepared to handle this size spider. Call it crazy, but I just stared it down until I fell asleep. I awoke to an unmoving spider and eventually accepted that it was dead. Another fear conquered, albeit a funny one.
The next day, I embarked on my journey to Victoria Falls in Mosi-oa-Tunya National Park. I could not have imagined such a surreal experience. I followed a path through the park until I got to the falls. It was incredible. The sound of the water and the sight of rainbows were symbolic to me. I reached a pot of gold AND I did it on my own. The sense of accomplishment I had been missing in life was back. All the magic I was hoping for was here. From meeting people who were so friendly to the never-ending unique and beautiful sites, I never felt more like my authentic self. The feelings of inadequacy and confusion lifted. I was free.
The other excursions I booked included everything from sunset cruises to safaris and fabulous dinners for myself. I was determined to experience everything, and I honestly could care less what anyone thought. Oddly enough, there was always someone to talk to. I was shocked that people thought it brave to travel this far alone. On some unconscious level, I was making new connections with myself as I continued to connect to nature and people. It felt incredible.
Finally, the rafting trip came. There was one distinct moment when I thought backing out and losing the money would be well worth it. The day was cold. I wasn't even sure what to wear. I realized that pushing myself in this way was necessary. I had to do this on some level for my personal growth. I could not back out and let the fear stop me.
We climbed down into a ravine. The tour description stated we’d walk about a tenth of a mile. However, my anxiety made it feel like an entire mile. We climbed ladders constructed on what seemed like rickety sticks and small trees. Time spent working out proved a good decision as I had to tap into every muscle and tendon to make the journey. Finally, we reached the raft and met the guide. We boarded the raft. Four strangers and I were off. The first few rapids were insignificant, but we approached one with three rougher sections and no pool at the end. We'd have to ride it out if we flipped. As we hit the first wave, the raft shifted to one side and was upside down. I saw the guy in the front fly off the raft, and suddenly, I involuntarily joined him in the water! It occurred to me- I was facing my fear- head-on.
I was in complete panic at first. Did I tell anyone I was doing this? What if I went missing? What were the rules again? I should have paid better attention to the guide! Waves were crashing on me relentlessly. I lost sight of the raft as I spun around and soon realized I was facing backward and had to turn around. I struggled to adjust the direction I was facing and floated to a different part of the raft, refusing to let go of the safety rope. That was one of the instructions. I held on with a vice-like grip and found myself struggling to breathe. It seemed like an eternity before finally reaching the pool at the end three rapids later. The guide and another member of the group appeared. They flipped the raft and pulled me in. Reunited, we coached each other into taking deep breaths. We each retold our accounts of the situation. Nothing like a minor mishap to unify five strangers! We laughed when we realized we were not even halfway done with the trip! As a group, we were strangers, but we knew we had to get it together to finish the journey because we ultimately ruled out the idea of swimming to shore once we saw the crocodiles diving in and out of the river. Somehow being face to face with this fear gave me a reality check. I realized I was stronger than I thought, mentally and physically. It was great practice in trusting others. I was bringing that lesson home with me.
Back on land, I took a moment to process all I’d learned in a few short hours on the rafting trip. I was finally able to feel like I was recovering. I had found my voice. I learned to trust. I felt every cell in my body restored to my true self. I was ready to move forward with all of these accomplishments, minus the feeling of burnout.
Recovery from burnout, or almost anything, is a process, a lengthy one at that. Meeting this bucket list goal helped me return to my authentic self, an integral part of recovery. I found my voice, self-confidence, and better awareness of myself. It was a life-changing experience for me. I was able to experience the transformational benefits of travel. I can’t wait to book my next adventure.
Connect with the Author - Christine DePalo
Instagram: @christinedepalo
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/christinedepalo
