Top 8 Tips to Avoid Loneliness as a Solo Traveller
By Sue Cockell at Sue Where Why What
A question I hear regularly is “Don’t you find travelling alone, lonely?” I’ll be honest and say that yes, of course it can be. One of the biggest fears when you decide to venture out into the world as a solo traveller is loneliness.
I started my new journey travelling the world alone after losing my husband back in 2014. We had been very happy together for 18 years. I am therefore very familiar with experiencing moments of crippling loneliness. As a result, it’s hard to look anyone in the eye and dismiss their concerns.
But I have discovered that being alone does not automatically mean being lonely and even if it did, it is not necessarily sad.
Initially, I was very concerned about how others would see me, especially when I went into a restaurant:
“Will they all stare at me? Think I’ve been stood up? Have no friends? Am trying to pick them up? What if nobody talks to me? Or even worse, what if they do and I must tell them the awful truth? What if I can’t control myself and cry in public?”
However, for me it wasn't a choice. I wasn't ready to stop doing something I love because of the concerns of others or the fear of how it would impact me. I believe that being lonely is a choice. We can allow it in, or we can choose to avoid those feelings if it doesn’t serve us.
Travelling solo is an empowering experience. It is a chance to push your comfort zone, to recognise what you are truly capable of and to take a journey of self-discovery. So, don’t let the fear of loneliness stop you from taking that leap, because I can assure you that being alone and feeling lonely are two very different things.
However, before we get into how you can avoid loneliness, I have one question for you to consider:
Do you want to be alone?
Just because you have taken the decision to travel solo does not mean being alone all the time. Far from it. It is a choice and once you have made it, it’s also your choice every day whether you do or don’t engage with others.
I now have over 30 years of travel under my belt, including many solo journeys. I am here to share my top 8 tips on how to combat loneliness on the road, or even better, avoid it bothering you altogether!
1. Start a Conversation
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but I find that I meet more people when I travel alone. Somehow it is human nature to want to make a connection. However, as a shy person, I will rarely start a conversation. At least, not if I don't have a reason.
But when travelling there is always a reason! There is always information I want to know, so I ask a lot of questions (recommendations, favourite places, activities etc). Once that's out of the way there are the details of where else they have been, on this trip or ever. There are a million questions you can ask any fellow travellers that will establish some common ground and help you find something that you can have a chat about.
2. Be Open
If like me, you are not always the first to start a conversation, then make sure you are showing that you are willing to have one. I believe in the power of open body language. I make it easy for others to engage with me through keeping my head up, watching and being aware of my surroundings.
It’s very easy when you’re travelling alone to feel disconnected but the more you engage with the local environment the less alone you will feel. I spend a lot of time watching and listening to the locals and learn so much from just observing.
Try not to be glued to your phone, no matter how tempting it is. I don’t use headphones either as I like to know what is happening around me, for safety, as well as observation reasons. I believe that when you are on your phone (or plugged into your earphones), it sends a message to everyone to say, "Stay away, I’m busy!". Books I find seem to invite more conversation, or even better, take a journal. This way you can reflect on what you've done, how it made you feel, what impact it has had. Reflecting and writing are a great way to document your trip generally, while also appearing more open to others.
3. Take a Tour
If you are worried about spending a large amount of time alone then taking a tour is a great way to avoid this. These can range from several weeks to a few hours, but all allow the opportunity to discover new places with company. The longer the tour, the more time there is to bond with your fellow travellers and come out of your shell.
If you feel that an extended tour may be too overwhelming, then why not opt for a few days? Think about the activities you are planning. Some may be more fun with company. On a visit to Costa Rica, I wanted to explore the coasts alone but with plans for white-water rafting and ziplining, felt it would be more enjoyable with others. I chose a short tour, in the middle of my trip which gave me the best of both worlds!
And if that is still too much for you, then there is always the option of a day tour. I love walking tours and most cities around the world offer free ones with local experts. These are also a great way to get answers to any cultural questions you may have.
Or, even better, what about a food tour? An evening option can combine a night out with others, while tasting some of the best cuisine. Doing this at the start of a trip will also increase your confidence when eating local. And you have lots of time to pick the brains of your guide along the way for recommendations.
4. Find your people
If a tour is too much, then how about heading to somewhere you can meet others who have similar interests to you? Find a destination where the activity you plan to do is popular and you will automatically find common ground. For example, walking, surfing, yoga, scuba diving, art, history, the list goes on. Whatever it is that you love, go to a place where it is popular and make some friends. You could even consider joining a retreat or taking classes where you will be immersed in sharing your passion.
5. Where to stay
If you choose to stay in a destination that is geared towards couples or families, then the chances of you meeting anyone while you're there (in my experience), is reduced. I find big resorts among the least friendly of all the accommodation options.
When I was young, I swore by the camaraderie of staying in hostels. There I met plenty of like-minded individuals. However, now I’m older, they hold less appeal. Nowadays, I choose smaller premises, either locally owned boutique hotels or Bed and Breakfast style accommodation. Communal breakfasts are a great place to strike up a conversation by sharing plans and recommendations. This also gives you a follow-up opportunity at the start of each day.
6. Local Knowledge
Whenever I have an opportunity to quiz a local, I ask a lot of questions! Whether it is at my accommodation, restaurants, cafes, tourist information, or anyone who seems willing to engage.
The most important thing about this is to time things right, when they are less busy and therefore not distracted. For many reasons I tend to avoid restaurants at peak times. I often eat in the late afternoons instead of the evening. This means the staff are open to chat more and you get better service as a result. By avoiding busy times, you can also feel less conspicuous as a solo diner which I find helps with my confidence.
7. Stay Connected
One way to avoid loneliness is to keep in touch with those you love back home. I often start a WhatsApp group with all my friends. I report back on my daily adventures, share my photos, observations, and get a virtual hug if I feel like I need it.
Social media is a great platform to do the same but sometimes it can make you feel lonelier or like you are missing out. People rarely post when they are sad or miserable, so if you are having an off day, seeing how much fun everyone is having back home can be upsetting. That’s why I like to have my own group which is easier to control.
8. Embrace being alone
Being lonely and being alone are two very different things. Being lonely has connotations of sadness whereas being alone, for me, brings a feeling of freedom and the possibility of adventure. By embracing the opportunity for solo travel, you are choosing to spend time alone, so appreciate it.
Don't let the fear of loneliness hold you back from taking the leap into the world of
travelling alone. By adopting some of my strategies I hope you also harness the pleasure and power that comes from enjoying your own company.
Or as the poet Erin Hanson said so beautifully:
"There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask, "What if I fall?" Oh, but my darling, What if you fly?"
Sue Cockell is a Transformative Travel Coach, Solo Female Travel Expert, Blogger and YouTuber. She began her solo travel journey after tragically losing her husband back in 2014. Travel allowed her to breathe, grieve, heal, and finally find herself again. She has now visited over 80 countries, across 6 continents and through her blog (Sue Where Why What) she aims to inspire other women over 40 to embrace the power of travelling alone too. For all her ideas and inspiration head over to https://www.suewherewhywhat.com/ and sign up to receive weekly travel news and a FREE Packing List.
You can also find her on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@SueWhereWhyWhat) or any of your favourite social platforms as @suewherewhywhat.
